The Best Quotes from Jeff Dunham ~ Spark of Insanity 7-8

Peanut

Peanut: That's god, that's god, that's gooooood

Peanut: What!? What the hell is wrong with you? We cannot talk at the same time? I talk You talk I talk You talk, that's it! FOCUS. I am so sick of this crap. I've tried doing solo!
Jeff: What happen?
Peanut: I kept falling of this fricking thing. Why did you interupt me?
Jeff: You mispronounced my name.
Peanut: What?
Jeff: You mispronounced my last name
Peanut: I know!
Jeff: It's Dunam
Peanut: Not when you look at it. It's says DunHAM. Jeff DunHAM. HAM. Your the other white meat.

Peanut: Jeff DunHAM dotcom Jeff DunHAM dotcom. And you, you know, if you think about it's actually Jeffafa DunHam.

Peanut: Jeffafa DunHAM dotcom. Am I pissing you offafa? Jeffafa DunHam dotcom. You know, the weird part is that I am actually pissing him off. And he would like to kill me, but he will not because that will be a form off suicide. You want to kill me!
Jeff: No i want
Peanut: Yes you do
Jeff: No
Peanut: Yes
Jeff: No
Peanut: insert you feelings Jeffafa DunHam dotcom

Jeff: What?
Peanut: Dude you need a tictach. You know what you breath smells like? DunHam!

Peanut: What the hell was that?
Jeff: What was what?
Peanut: What did you just do?
Jeff: I didn't do anything
Peanut: You picked your nose, did you see that? Oh, My God!! You fricken piiicked your nooose! *looks under*
Jeff: WHAT?!
Peanut: You didn't do a very good job, there's still something there.
Jeff: Cut it out
Peanut: You gotta get it
Jeff: Stop
Peanut: It's wiggling
Jeff: STOP IT!
Peanut: Oh wait, your a ventriloquist, make it talk!! That would be funny as hell!! Oh and give it a french accent.

Peanut: It's like you know!

Peanut: DO IT! Doooooo itttttttt...
Jeff: Nuwt

Peanut: You know what would be funny as hell? When this gets on comedy centrum and this show was sponsered by Toyota. And they have no idea. One night they're watching this and like. "Heyyyy, he makes fun of our car. He's say our car is gay. He's not gay, he's gay."

Peanut: In a twisted kinda way, all five of ous on stage have slept with you wife. When you wreckin having a great time, that's me! When you pissed off and liner thinking why did I married this broad, that's Walter. When your so angry you wanna kill her, that's Achmed.
Jeff: What's José Jalapeno on a stick?
Peanut: You are a sick man!

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José Jalapeno on a stick

Peanut: Jeff is Jeff, Heff is Heff, and Scheff is Scheff! One of these things just doesn't belong here!

Peanut: I have a question for Josie.
José: My name is José.
Peanut: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were in America, speaking frecking english. But I didn't see the little *shkk* that magically changing Josie to frecking José.

Peanut: Did you know he had another stick?
Jeff: I had no idea
Peanut: Do you know what that means?
Jeff: What?
Peanut: That means that one comes out.

José: Sometimes I'm afraid for my life.
Jeff: Why?
Peanut: Taco Bell.

Peanut: And trust me you will not do well in prison.
Jeff: Why not?
Peanut: Come here puppet boy! Make your daddy talk!
Jeff: That's nice. So you're pretty sure I'd soon become someones...
Peanut: Bitch!
José: On a stick.